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Course Language-Deciphering Canuck Golf Code

11/14/2013

 
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Southern Belles and Canadian golfers have something in common--thanks to their legendary politeness they don't always say what they mean.  When a belle says "Bless your heart," what she really means, but is too polite to verbalize, is a show of disgust: "Oh my word! Darla's showing again, that's her eighth baby, oh bless her heart."  Canadian golfers may be too polite for outright trash talk on the course, but here's a handy guide to what they're really telling you.
1) Wow you drove the green = Damn, when did you become a scratch golfer?
2) Is that a new driver? = Are you trying to buy a better game?
3) Guess I'm up again (strides into the tee box)= Guess I'm still top dog
4) Should I go ahead and hit? = Speed up will ya, you slow playing ninnies
5)How far do you usually hit your driver?= You should probably lay up
6) Have you ever taken lessons?= Bro, you could really use some lessons
7) I think the cart girl has a crush on you = Stop hitting on the beer cart girl
8) Sure, you're fine to hit your driver here = No way you'll get through that dogleg
9) It might open up over there = That ball is a goner
10) I play better after a beer = Drinking makes my double bogeys feel like pars
11) You're still away = that putt sucked
12) Don't forget about the water on the left = I hope you hit it into the water
on the left


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    Mike Dojc

    When Mike isn't repairing impossibly large divots or alphabetizing his impressive ball marker collection, he’s slinging copy for a diverse range of editorial and corporate entities.  Clients have included Nike, AAA, Maxim, Esquire.com, Metro, Inside Fitness, Sharp, Huffington Post + tons more.  Reach Mike at dojcster@gmail.com


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